


Gaslit

by strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Challenges, Courage, Daddy Kink, Devoted Reylo, Domestic Bliss, Education, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff and Smut, Husbands, Life Partners, Life-Affirming Sex, Long-Term Relationship(s), Love, Marriage, Married Life, Meta, Metafiction, Mind Games, POV Rey (Star Wars), Partnership, Real Life, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo is my sexuality, Romance, Secrets, Self-Acceptance, Sex, Shameless Smut, Sharing, Slice of Life, Smut, Star Wars Episode 7, Star Wars Episode 8, Sweet, Sweet/Hot, The Force Ships It, True Love, Trust, Wives, my body is ready for it, this is basically self-indulgent crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-01 18:17:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14526384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie/pseuds/strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie
Summary: “Rey?” Ben asked from beside her.Rey jumped a mile off the bed. She was under the blanket fort beside him again, reading well after midnight, her hot, overused phone allowing her hours of normally uninterrupted reading time.“What?” she asked innocently, pulling the quilt off her head, killing her phone screen immediately, trying not to look suspicious or guilty in the dearly blindingly-darkened bedroom.“Why are you still awake?” he asked. “What are you doing?”*****Ben and Rey are about to find out how fanfic spices up a marriage.





	1. Secretive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [raven_maiden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_maiden/gifts).



 

**GASLIT**

 

“I love you, too,” she murmured to her husband’s back as she burrowed under the covers deeper, a cocoon of privacy in their shared bed, the dark room enveloping her in the desperate, personal silence a harried mother craves.

 

Rey pulled the quilt up, skimming the hair twisted into a bun on the top of her head and tucked it behind her head against her pillow, her phone propped against her chest illuminating her space in the soft white light perfect for reading.

And for hiding.

She listened to Ben’s breathing settle into a pleasant and sated snore and pulled up Safari on her phone, choosing the page of her most-visited site immediately.

 

_Hot damn,_ she thought. _Jackpot!_

 

A whole slew of her favorite fan fiction, smutty, OTP, bookmarked works had updated in the last day since she’d last checked and here she was, not even midnight and she had hours to go before her husband stirred, her daughters woke and her alarm clock chimed.

 

She smiled naughtily as she dug her back into the pillows scrunched behind her more contentedly, the whirring box fan standing sentry over her clandestine, solitary escapade, the world of Kira Jakku and Kylo Ren blooming before her eyes as she fell down the rabbit hole again, the path to the stars and the alternate timelines and the parallel universes the two lovers indwelled blossomed like tangible worlds around Rey in her bedroom.

 

With each story she read, her bare ceiling became a black sky, pricked with lit constellations of stars, her painted walls became forested hills of impenetrable greens and browns, and her dusty floor became sandy dunes a mile high.

 

Finally, her bleary eyes straining as if through bubble-gum, her eyelids losing the fight to remain pried open, Rey finally gave up her phone to the bedside table beside her, untucked the quilt from behind her personal fortress of literature and breathed un-recycled air above the covers again.

 

She closed her eyes knowing she had 3 hours and 41 minutes until her alarm clock toned to wake her and in turn her entire family but, as she slipped into a dream of glowing swords and valiant wolves and leather jacket-outfitted rock stars and spectacled professors with elbow patches and dark hair, she found she couldn’t have cared less.

 

********************

 

“I just wish there had been a love story,” Rey had complained as she’d walked out of the movie theater with her husband, “like in the original trilogy. Or even in the prequels. I just love the romance when there is one and even though I loved all the strong women, I just miss that aspect.”

 

They never saw movies on Date Night and Rey was glad, mostly.

She loved her husband, she’d loved him for half her life now and still got a butterfly lift-off when he winked and smirked at her, still thought he was fucking gorgeous and still knew she’d lucked out.

So many of her girlfriends were married to shlubby, conservative men who dressed like televangelists and wore their hair like a news anchor but, Rey’s husband was still dashingly good-looking, broad-shouldered and scruffy-faced, he smelled like heaven and fucked her like a man on a mission and she had no complaints in general.

 

The older she got, the more convinced she was that it was biologically unfair that men seemed to age like wine and women just seemed to age.

 

She had some wrinkles around her eyes now. And a few gray hairs. And her period felt more like a superfluous nuisance rather than a relief every month, now that the girls were ages 4 and up and there was no longer risk of pro-creating another little life in her womb.

Thankfully.

 

That didn’t change the fact she was still a romantic, still in love with love and had been raised on _Anne of Green Gables_ and _Wuthering Heights_ and _Pretty in Pink_ and still carried a torch for a good, old-fashioned love story.

She had no problem making an exception to the rule of spending Date Night eating out or walking or doing something, somewhere so they could talk free of their daughters but, if they were going to spend nearly 3 hours watching a movie it would have been nice if there had been some sort of a love story involved.

 

There was only that one little scene where Kira and Kylo touched fingers.

And, the shirtless scene.

 

You know the one.

 

And, the Force Bond scenes.

 

Oh, well, and the back-to-back fight scene.

 

Hmm.

 

Rey pulled out her phone even while she climbed into the car beside Ben as they headed home to relieve their babysitter and she did a Google search, dozens of articles about the romance between the two main characters of the franchise popping up instantly. The movie scenes she was remembering were sewn meticulously and coherently together by the authors of each article to create a tapestry she hadn’t caught in person, hadn’t realized was unfolding while she watched in real time but, the more she read the more she realized it was true: there was a love story.

 

And it was hot.

 

**********************

 

_“Kylo!” Kira screamed, running deeper into the black Fortunsian forest, “help me! Help me! I need you”_

_Kylo ran as a man enflamed in a rage, a barreling beast of feral manhood who would stop at nothing to protect his beloved bondmate from the alpha who threatened her._

_“Kira!” he growled, bellowing authoritatively, “here!” Kylo was a man possessed and Kira gazed at him with love in her eyes, although no words were needed for them to express their faithful love to one another through their bond._

_Kylo threw his lighted sword to her, arming her with his most treasured possession and together they engaged the 20-foot alien, it’s jaws dripping yellow venom as it stared down its ugly beak at them, its claws_

 

 

 

“Rey?” Ben asked from beside her.

 

Rey jumped a mile off the bed. She was under the blanket fort beside him again, reading well after midnight, her hot, overused phone allowing her hours of normally uninterrupted reading time to devour all the fan fiction of her current obsession, Kira and Kylo’s love story from the trilogy movie she’d seen with Ben on their last date night.

 

“What?” she asked innocently, pulling the quilt off her head, killing her phone screen immediately, trying not to look suspicious or guilty in the dearly blindingly-darkened bedroom.

 

“Why are you still awake?” he asked. “What are you doing?”

 

“Nothing,” she said, her heart beating quickly as she deposited her phone beside her, feigning innocence.

 

_I have nothing to be ashamed of,_ she reprimanded herself, _why am I acting guilty? I’m not a child!_ she remembered, still unable to tell Ben what she had been reading.

 

She knew it would be hard if not impossible for him to understand her fascination. He wasn’t necessarily scary so much as he was skeptical, and Rey knew already the smirk he’d give if he knew what nonsense she was reading, what flowery word art she was indulging in about a fabricated love story and how it would cut her to the quick, raise her defenses and isolate her in shame.

The man couldn’t remember to buy her a birthday gift let alone join her on a journey into romantic literature pairings, so she bit her tongue and decided on another tactic.

 

“Want to mess around?” she asked, reaching towards his groin, never having known her husband to turn down a come-on, even in the middle of the night, even when awakened by her phone rudely lighting the room he was sleeping in, even when she was actively avoiding honesty and changing the subject. “Wanna have sex?”

 

“Fuck yes,” he grumbled, pulling off clothes and mouthing Rey’s neck as he curled his sleep-warm self on top of her. “How are you this wet already?”

 

Rey glanced self-consciously sideways in the dark, though he couldn’t see.

They’d already had sex twice that morning and had been going at it every chance they could since Rey had started reading fan fiction and frankly, he wasn’t complaining so she hadn’t fessed up to what was keeping her so hot and bothered.

 

She’d been a mother for several years already and such a young wife before that, this was the first chance she’d had to connect with her body, with her sexuality and she was as shocked as anyone else some of the crazy kinks she’d found online in the fandom let alone some of the things that made her react but, she wasn’t complaining and she was enjoying her husband’s body more than ever.

They’d never had this much sex before.

_Ever._

 

“All for you,” Rey said kissing her husband back as he fingered her, and then added, experimentally, “…Daddy.”

 

Even in the dark dead of night, as his head flew up and he caught her gaze, she saw the look in his eyes at that word and she knew no matter what else was true, she was onto something very, very right.

 

***************


	2. Scandalous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> have a chapter, my sisters!  
> It's super dirty, so you'll all like it.

 

  
Rey sat down with her phone.

_What is knotting?_

 

She pulled up a second tab and Googled furiously.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had read fiction that required a dictionary and online research so, she reasoned, at least she was expanding her horizons, right?

Truthfully, she was more worried about forgetting to close her laptop screen before one of her girls could see what was pulled up than she was about learning the ins and outs of fictional anatomy.

 

“Rey,” Ben called from the kitchen where he was assembly-line washing the dinner dishes after Rey excused herself to sit in the bathroom while the girls played in the bathtub, “do you want to keep these leftovers?”

 

Rey’s head snapped up and she shoved her phone in her back pocket, assuming her normally-calm and authoritatively kind tone, “sure babe, whatever you think,” she called, turning to help their daughters out of the bath.

 

She’d needed to look up a wealth of vocabulary in the last month during her slow descent down the slippery slope of fan fiction featuring Kira and Kylo.

First, she’d started out reading canon-compliant fiction, only classy stories that highlighted authentic character traits and situations she could imagine the movie actors engaging in.

 

Anything else was silly, wasn’t it?

 

 _I’ll just see what this is about,_ she’d thought, clicking on a recommended link and trying out an alternate universe version, just a sweet, little, quality work, already completed by a respectable-sounding author who clearly had excellent grammar and spelling, good technique and a lovely setting for Kira and Kylo to explore.

 

Not too long after, she was delving more thoroughly into one-shots, ficlets, drabbles and other types of works she’d never before known existed, and she found herself moving from sedate-sounding titles like, _Until the Moon_ to more dramatic titles like, _without you (my world would shatter into the skies)_ wondering why fic titles often use parentheses.

 

Before she knew it, Rey was a fic-a-holic, devouring fiction like she was Anna Wintour judging the monthly edition of Vogue, leaving comments and awaiting updates on a wide variety of works, the likes of which she had no clue existed even two months prior, subject matter ranging from professors with naughty students, to shape-shifters hunting prey, to foster siblings divided in adolescence to college students working at coffee shops and bookstores and tattoo shops with too few words and too many nerves to be honest with one another about their true feelings.

 

Each story featured Kira and Kylo and each one was better than the one before.

 

Finally, Rey had gotten up early one morning and headed to the coffee maker while checking email before Ben woke and she checked to see whether any of her favorite works had updated overnight.

A title caught her eyes as she skimmed, _Foolish Child_ , and in a matter of moments, Rey was introduced to the enthralling world of A/B/O fiction, something she would have formerly assumed referred to blood types.

 

_“Kira,” he growled, moving towards her with hungry eyes, focused and thirsting for her in a way that left her trembling to her core, a fresh flush of slick dripping down her inner thighs,_

_“you need me to knot you and I will not leave you needy.”_

 

_Kira shook like a leaf as Kylo approached, holding his voracious gaze while his huge form moved closer, his massive cock, its hardness barely-concealed under his pants,_

_drew her eyes as he moved towards her across the cave floor._

 

_“I - I - I’ve never had a heat before,” Kira admitted to Kylo, “and I am afraid, alpha.”_

 

_He tenderly grazed her cheek with his fingertips before leaning in, his voice sending shivers down her spine, his touch leaving a trail of fire as he assured her, “Oh, my little omega,_

_you need a teacher and_

 

“What, no coffee for me?” Ben had pouted, stumbling up to Rey and dropping onto the couch beside her, kissing the top of her head and leaning in to see what was on her phone screen. “Whatcha reading?”

 

“Nothing, sorry,” Rey had lied, “just catching up.”

 

She needed to get a grip.

Rey had no desire to lie to her husband, and no need of more than their current sex life. She loved their sex life.

If anything, she loved her husband more abundantly than she could quantify, more than she could express and she didn’t need to read dirty, online fiction to fill some sort of void in her life, that was ridiculous.

 

Slutty women did that, bad girls, women her mother would click her tongue at, not women who wrapped Christmas gifts and had episiotomies and mothers-in-law and mortgages and handsome husbands or pretty wives and lawn mowers in their garages. Not Rey.

 

_What is a mating gland?_

 

_Where is a mating gland located?_

 

Almost subconsciously, Rey found herself Googling all manner of things the next couple weeks.

 

_What is pegging?_

 

_What’s the best kind of dildo?_

 

_What’s triple penetration?_

 

She found herself helplessly turned-on all the time, offering her husband the opportunity to fuck her more often than she ever had in her entire life.

The kids went to school and Rey and Ben climbed back into bed on days he went in to work evening shifts and they crawled all over each other for hours. She sucked his cock hungrily, anxious to feel him heavy and red-hot on her tongue, giving over to the action instead of worrying she wasn’t doing it right, finally believing maybe he meant it when he’d asked to see her spit on his cock all these years, since that factored pretty heavily into fiction.

 

 _The messier, the better,_ seemed to be the general theme, and Rey was beginning to believe it instead of the life-long message of _pretty, pretty princess_ she’d always been sold.

 

She even started pulling him into her mouth after he’d been inside her, realizing based on a fic she’d read, that was a “ _thing”_ after all, and she found it was, indeed, hotter than all get-out and Ben’s jaw dropped when he did it.

 

“I never thought you’d do that!” he exclaimed, kneeling beside her mouth as she hungrily lapped at the cum gathered on it, both of their essences combined on his skin, fingering her own pussy while she jacked him off in her mouth, moaning on her back, naked in mid-morning sunlight under him. _“What the fuuuuuuck,”_ he whispered, watching her in awe.

 

Two days later, Ben walked into the bathroom on a Saturday morning and found Rey just having finished shaving her pussy for the first time in 11 years they’d been together and she was finishing up.

 

Not shaving, necessarily, but relieving the incredible sexual turn-on she’d experienced bringing the razor slowly, carefully over her swollen, wet cunt over and over, again and again, teasing her clit inside her pussy mercilessly, not having had enough friction to be relieved all the time she had tended to her shaving, and somehow her fingers just ever so gently having slipped into herself afterward, still slick with shower water and her legs trembling.

She hadn’t masturbated in years and she was literally unable to resist at that moment, it was so powerful.

 

“Oh my God!” Ben shouted, entering the room after a polite half-knock of the door, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head seeing his wife laid out on the floor, hairless and panting, her fingers knuckle-deep in her pussy and her legs spread wide on the bath mats. “What the fuck, baby?” His eyes were saucers as he took in the sight, Rey squirming on the floor beneath him.

 

“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” she whined, and Ben stripped faster than a streaker at Woodstock, tossing his clothes on the floor and locking the bathroom door in under 10 seconds flat, his mouth taking over where Rey’s hands had been after sucking her fingers clean ferociously as a man starved, his face a much better substitute than Rey’s own hands any day of the week.

 

“Oh, _Alpha_ , yes, _Daddy_ …” Rey moaned languidly, “I’m gonna come, Alpha, _thank you Alpha, thank you,_ ” she crescendoed as she climaxed in his mouth, Ben’s cocky smirk when she looked at him again, her eyes glazed, making her smile.

 

He flipped her onto her knees and nailed her hard from behind, slamming inside her until he finished with a loud groan, panting against her back when he was done, Rey sober enough to have begun to bite at her bottom lip and realize she had incorporated Kira’s name for Kylo from the A/B/O fic she’d been reading faithfully into her own lovemaking with her husband.

 

She cringed a bit as they sat up and moved towards their clothes when Ben caught her wrist.

 

“Uh…” he stuttered, raising an eyebrow and pointing with his free hand to Rey’s shaved nether regions. “So…that’s new.”

 

Nervously, Rey stammered, “um, yeah. I thought you’d like it?”

 

_silence_

 

“Do you…do you like it?” she asked, worried she’d made a mistake far more egregious than reading fan fiction, she’d somehow implemented a grooming technique her husband wasn’t fond of.

 

 _How long does it take to grow back pubic hair?_ she wondered, making a mental note to Google it.

 

“Is this a trick question?” her husband asked. “This feels like a trick question.”

 

“No!” Rey threw his boxers at him with a smile. He was teasing her now.

 

“I mean because, I like every version of you, and I actually just this minute got done fucking your brains out so, clearly, yeah, I like it,” Ben said, pulling his pants up. “But, I liked it before, too.”

 

Rey tugged her bra straps over her shoulders and clasped it behind her. “Good. K. Thanks.”

 

Rey leaned forward and kissed him once on his lips, marveling at how wonderful her husband was, what a good lover as well as wonderful father and partner.

 

“One more thing,” Ben said, following Rey into their bedroom, “did you…did you call me…Alpha? Ya know…during sex? Did you say _Alpha_?”

 

Rey considered her options.

 

 _What would Kira do?_ she wondered, and bit her bottom lip, deciding on a response that would enhance their intimacy instead of allowing herself to drown in a wave of shame.

 

“If I say yes, will you fuck me up against the wall tonight?” she asked experimentally, caressing her husband’s bicep.

 

“I will if you say please, _Alpha,_ ” Ben said, shaking his head in mild disbelief and curiosity, a challenge for Rey.

 

“Please, _Alpha,_ ” Rey murmured, kissing him again as he smacked her bottom on their way out of their bedroom.

 

“Don’t know what’s gotten into you, woman, I swear…” Rey heard Ben muttering under his breath happily as they headed into the kitchen together to start breakfast for their Saturday morning with their daughters.

 

Of course, Ben might not but, Rey knew _exactly_ what had gotten into her and she was a fucking _fan._

 

She decided it was time to start drawing again.

And she knew just what to draw, too.

 

************************


	3. Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fic smut  
> = CHECK  
> shower smut  
> = CHECK  
> bed smut = CHECK
> 
> it's all here.  
> Enjoy, sisters!

 

_Kira licked the buttercream icing from her fingers lazily as she watched Kylo stalk towards her behind the counter, aware of each of his movements as he angrily untied the apron at his back and tore it from over his head in one swift movement._

_“Get over here, sweetness,” Kylo growled, pupils blown wide as he gripped Kira around the waist, yanking her fingers into his own mouth, instead, causing her to gasp softly as she inhaled the bittersweet scent of his recently-baked double chocolate cupcakes still lingering in a saccharine cloud around him._

_“Play time’s over,” he warned Kira darkly._

 

_The trays of still-unfrosted cupcakes sat waiting on the industrial-sized cookie sheets around the quiet kitchen as Kylo pulled Kira’s matching apron off, followed by her sunny, yellow sundress until he threw her unapologetically onto the counter top behind her, unwilling to wait until he was also undressed to sink to his knees._

_Kira spread her knees nervously as she bit her bottom lip, her arousal overpowering her sudden embarrassment but, she only had time to whisper his name before feeling his heated fingertips burning across her trembling thighs._

_He pulled her panties aside after dragging a fingertip across the damp slip of white fabric hiding her sex from him as he inhaled and groaned as he watched from eye-level while he slipped two thick fingers deeply into her wet heat._

 

_“Sweeter than sugar, baby,” he moaned as he leaned forward to leave a wide stripe from hole to clit, reaching up and enveloping the lace over Kira’s breast in his calloused hand._

 

_The competition between their two respective cupcake shops, located across Maple Ave from one another, met at a new and interesting crossroads and as Kira threw her head back and threaded her fingers through Kylo’s hair between her quivering thighs, feeling her release coil tightly in her belly she said_

 

“Rey, can you throw me a towel?” Ben called from the shower.

 

Rey huffed slightly and tossed her slim legs over the side of the bed where she’d sat reading, and hurried to the bathroom cabinets, tossing a clean towel over the shower door at her husband before trying to get back to the latest Kira and Kylo fan fiction she was devouring on the downlow in their bed today.

 

Ben poked his head out of the shower, water dripping off his bangs as he grinned at his wife suggestively, catching her attention before she could leave the room.

 

“Care to join?” he asked, hopefully, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

 

Before fan fiction, Rey would likely have teased her husband with an eye roll, potentially even a scoffing retort before leaving the room to retrace her steps towards her last activity before interruption but, now, even with her Kira and Kylo cupcake shop modern AU fic waiting, half-read in the next room, she quickly decided to change lanes and stripped before stepping into the steaming shower with Ben.

 

Rey glanced around the tiled shower as Ben rinsed his hair beside her, eyes closed as he stood under the stream, and Rey looked around.

 

 _The grout needs to be scrubbed in here,_ she thought.

 

She looked down at the bubbles sliding towards the rusting drain, the half-empty bottles of shampoo collected in the corner of the shower floor, the dulling pink razor on the shelf beside her last-season Bath & Body Works shower gel, half-dressed Mermaid Barbies piled damply beside a plastic tugboat, remnants of their daughters’ shower the night before in her bathroom and Rey thought back to the memorable shower scenes she’d read in fan fiction in the last two months, since beginning her foray into advanced smut consumption.

 

In fiction, this shower would likely have begun with foreplay, followed by a blow job, then some aggressive fingering, and finally ending with mind-blowing, scintillating, legs-wrapped-around-the-waist, against-the-wall penetration, complete with dirty talk, satisfying orgasms and plot momentum.

 

Ben reached for Rey as she stood comparing the real-life shower experience with her husband of 8 years with what she read in fan fiction and she felt her heart sink as she realized she couldn’t get the two to align. Ben nuzzled her neck as he moved her towards the shower stream, standing her under the water as he wrapped his arms around her from behind, and Rey let the warm water soak her hair, letting the moisture hit her scalp deliciously and wash away her contrasting worries while her husband kissed her shoulder behind her.

 

Before she had a chance to lather, Rey felt Ben’s cock nudge her bottom and she took the hint to turn around. She felt the tension in her shoulders wilt and drain towards the shower floor as Ben cupped her face tenderly and slipped his tongue into her mouth, his shoulders hunched into his neck with intentionality as he bent over her to kiss her good and deep, just like she liked it.

 

“Mmmm,” she moaned, _this is what I needed, this is what’s real,_ she remembered as her husband slipped a hand between her thighs.

Somehow, Ben knew what ailed her even when she didn’t and she relaxed into the assurance he had what she needed.

 

Spurred on by the recognition, Rey wiped the water from her face and wrapped her arms tighter around her husband’s shoulders as he walked her backward to the slippery shower wall, out from the water’s stream.

 

 **_Cold,_** Rey’s brain blared at her, _and soap scum,_ she added, recalling the need to address the shower’s state with a bottle of Lysol Tub  & Tile cleaner later.

 

Shower sex was appealing in theory but, nearly impossible and mostly frustratingly dissatisfying in reality.

 

Rey pushed off the wall and opened her eyes, and caught Ben’s gaze.

“Meet me in bed?” she asked “S’cold.”

 

“Yeah, go get ready,” he said with a nod, removing his hands and making space for Rey to reach the shower door.

 

Rey make quick work of drying off, adding mousse quickly to her hair ( _no need for frizz later just because of a rush of a hormones now,_ she thought logically) and tossed the towel onto the floor beside the bed rebelliously in as devil-may-care a manner as possible, hoping to allure her husband to her with the promise of her unrepressed sexuality, her impatient need of him and her sexy, flagrant disregard for proper housekeeping.

 

“Come here, cowboy,” Rey crooned playfully at her husband as he approached from the bathroom, a cloud of steam wafting towards her as he toweled off his hair and dropped his towel on the floor beside Rey’s.

 

Ben smirked at her and crawled over Rey, whose legs were spread more boldly than normal where she waited on the bed for him, and she inhaled his cologne from his chest while he lowered himself between her legs.

 

 _“God,”_ she moaned exaggeratedly as she breathed him deeply, “you smell so good, Alpha,” Rey reported, her eyes closed in delight as she reveled in her husband’s familiar scent, the cologne he’d worn since their dating days still intoxicating her and transporting her immediately to her dorm room single bed where they’d disheveled one another’s clothing for two years.

 

“Yeah?” Ben asked, encouraged, “you like that, kitten?” he asked Rey, knowing full well what the answer was, knowing she’s the one who puts it in the Amazon cart and has it delivered to keep him stocked.

 

“So yummy,” Rey murmured as Ben made his way down to her collarbones, her sternum, her breasts, her nipples, her inner dialogue narrating as Ben’s mouth and hands trailed her skin.

 

 _Laving nipples,_ she narrated mentally.

 _And now giving attention to the other one,_ she added as Ben switched sides.

 

“Yes,” Rey groaned, running her fingers through his wet hair, “more, Kylo, _more,_ ” she whispered, partially lost in the moment, Ben’s mouth sending her to heaven and partially confused by all the fiction she’d read, her brain transposing Kira’s words into her mouth in her lust-addled haze.

 

Ben’s head froze, his tongue stopped moving immediately and his hands stilled on her hips.

 

Rey’s eyes darted frantically to the side as her face blushed deeply.

 

“What was that?” her husband asked, meeting her gaze.

 

“More, daddy, _more,_ ” Rey redirected, desperate to distract from her error, hopeful to redirect her husband’s ministrations to her midsection.

 

Ben compliantly returned to licking her breasts and lined himself up to enter her, pushing himself into her pussy with accomplished grace and practiced ease, the result of 11 years of fucking her but, with no less pleasure than the countless times before.

 

Missionary might not be the most creative position but, it was still Rey’s favorite and she relished her husband’s movements above her as he pumped into her smoothly, their bodies working in familiar tandem, the fluid dance of two people storied in love, in sex and in commitment to one another.

 

“Here,” Ben said, pulling out and sitting back to change position, offering Rey a hand to help her sit up, “come get on top, I wanna see your tits bounce,” he told his wife, always a breast man, always anxious to see Rey’s ta-ta’s do their thing, jiggling as shamelessly as possible.

 

Ben positioned himself against the pillows and rested his hands on his wife’s thighs as she sunk onto him, feeling the warmth spread to her fingertips and toes as she struggled to get on her knees for leverage, her husband’s girth inside her always a challenge to bounce on sufficiently.

 

For years she wondered if she was even doing it well enough, since he would grip her hips punishingly deeply with his fingertips when she rode him, trying to hoist her down harder onto himself, positioning her just so in an effort to thrust up into her to satisfaction but, the fanfic she read helped her understand that was normal and when she’d asked him “am I not doing it well enough myself?” he’d comfortingly said “what? No! I mean, yes! I just want to help and I’m sorry, I get a little out of control, baby.”

 

With that confidence in mind, Rey slid her hands over Ben’s chest under her as she bounced on his cock enthusiastically, scooping up all the _“oh, yeah”’s_ and _“oh, baby”’s_ and _“fuck”’s_ she could coax from his grateful mouth.

Her hands slid over his knees behind her as she arched her back and then her right hand migrated to his scrotum, teasing the seam gently with one fingertip as his head arched back into the pillow and his eyes closed and she bit her lip as she slid further, letting her index finger graze his asshole, the pucker of his tight hole getting her indescribably wet as his eyes flew to hers and his mouth dropped open.

 

Rey gave three more hard bounces while massaging the ring of puckered muscle while her eyes were locked with Ben’s own stunned, wide eyes, his mouth slack with _awe? shock? horror?_ before he came with a primal shout, a groan of near-agony and Rey smirked in victory as she tumbled over the edge into a wave of singing orgasm herself, righting herself into reentry of the stratosphere a moment later as her hips slowed to a stop and her thighs burned with effort.

 

Panting, Rey slid off her husband to her own pillow, her damp hair a halo of wet flyaways and stringy waves as she caught her breath and her husband rolled to his side to stare at her gapingly.

 

“What in the fresh hell was _that,_ Rey Solo?” he asked.

 

“Uh,” Rey stuttered, trying to decide on a tactic for response. “Did you like it?”

 

Ben blew excess CO2 out of his mouth in a whoosh of exhale and arched his eyebrows thoughtfully before answering. “I mean,” he began, “I like all the things you do to me. But, Jesus Christ, woman. Where did you even come up with that? You’ve never done that before.”

 

“Well,” Rey began, defensively, “we belong to each other, don’t we? Why can’t I touch you wherever I want?”

 

Ben’s brow furrowed.

“It’s not that you can’t touch me. I love when you touch me. Hell, I welcome it. I just wonder what’s gotten into you lately, Rey,” Ben said. “The daddy thing, the Alpha thing, now the…the…the _nether regions_ thing. This is all new and I don’t know what’s going on.”

 

Rey pouted slightly and looked at the fraying quilt beneath her.

 

 _Gotta sew this edge,_ she noted for herself silently.

 

“Is it so wrong I love my husband and I want to experience things sexually with you?” Rey asked defensively, “I’m finally done having babies and I’m a grown woman and I’m getting in touch with my sexuality. Maybe I want to explore some creative lovemaking with my husband, is there anything _wrong_ with that?”

 

“Of course not,” Ben argued, “you know I _love_ fucking you, and I want you to put out as much as you will. But let me ask you something, have you started drawing again?”

 

Now it was Rey’s turn to freeze.

She _had_ started drawing again.

She had worked on a sketch of the A/B/O cave scene from her current favorite fanfic for the entire last week and she was pleased with how it was coming along, happy to see the anguished looks of adoration on Kira and Kylo’s faces in the dark cave just as their naked bodies met in unbridled passion, their powerful struggle against their higher brains having lost to their basic biological need for mating.

 

She thought she’d kept that hidden away under lock and key but if Ben was asking if she was drawing again, she knew in that moment he must have seen it.

 

“Why?” she asked, knowing it was as good as admitting guilt.

 

“I saw a sketch you’re working on,” Ben said. “I recognize your work. You want to tell me about it?”

 

Anger bubbled up in indignation again in Rey. “What, am I in trouble or something, Ben? I need to answer to you, now, about my art?”

 

Ben stood up from the bed clearly agitated and pulled on shorts and a t-shirt, looking down at Rey who was still naked and upset on the bed, feeling found out and foolish, trying to over her shame with contempt.

 

“No, Rey, no. You don’t have to answer to me,” he said, annoyed, “but, I am your husband and you just got done fucking me. I would just hope you’d want to share your work with me the same way you share your pussy with me.”

 

Rey’s cheeks flamed in outrage.

 

“I don’t know why you’re keeping things from me but, I know it. And it fucking sucks,” he said angrily, pulling a baseball cap over his drying hair as he stood towering over his still-naked wife. “I’m going to pick up the girls at school,” he announced before stomping off.

 

Rey lay listening as the garage door slammed and she heard Ben drive away towards the street to join traffic and make his way to the car line at the girls’ school, aware she needed to get up and dress and arrange herself into their mother before they tumbled into the house hungry, tired and needy after a day at school.

 

 _Why aren’t I telling him about what I’m reading?_ Rey wondered as she lay on their bed.

_What would he think?_

_What kind of mother and wife am I if I read dirty books?_

_Am I still a good girl?_

_Are they dirty, or just real?_

_Is this okay?_

 

Rey dressed and pulled her damp hair into a ponytail, aware she needed to make sense of these things even as she packaged the thoughts into a box to consider later, and she thought about the look in Kira’s eyes in her cave artwork, the trust and desire. Rey had shaded and erased and redrawn Kira’s eyes over and over to capture her ardor for Kylo in that scene, the naked and open offering of herself to her mate and Rey realized what was amiss.

 

It wasn’t desire.

 

It was something more.

It was what she was gaslighting her husband about.

She would need to fess up, unashamedly if she wanted to risk getting as nakedly open a romance as what she'd been fantasizing. 

 

It was time to stop hiding and shut down the shame.

 

*************


	4. Shocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't an equation, an editorialization or education, it's just meta. 
> 
> Having said that: 
> 
> "She who is brave, is free." 
> 
> for you, sisters.  
> xo  
> Berry

*****************

Rey scrolled through her tagged Archive fan fiction homepage feed lazily, reading fanfic titles.

_No._

_No._

_No._

_Too slow._

_Too fast._

_Too dark._

_Too sweet._

_Finn and Kira?_

_Maybe after TFA - not anymore._

_Dameron and Kira?_

_In the real world - maybe - but after TLJ - nope._

_Hux and Kira?_

_I think I just puked in my mouth a little._

_OTP please, or nothankyouverymuch._

_No._

_No._

**_YES!_ **

 

The _professor!Kylo_ and _co-ed!Kira_ fanfic she was obsessed with had posted a new chapter and she was home alone with a cup of coffee and time to kill.

 _Perfection,_ she thought as she curled up excitedly with her coffee on the couch and pulled up the newest chapter.

 

_"I'll meet you guys in a few minutes," Kira told her pals as they headed for the stairs leaving the Mechanical Engineering building._

_"I need to_ _speak with Professor Ren."_

_She took a deep breath and steeled herself before pushing the_

_heavy wooden door to his classroom open and leaned against it as she closed it with a click._

_At the front of the room, Professor Ren chalked furiously on the board, dust flying as he_

_diligently copied his shorthand notes onto the board and Kira turned to pull the shade on the windowed door behind her._

_Dropping her backpack and unbuttoning her shirt to her navel, careful to leave it tucked into her plaid skirt,_

_she walked slowly towards the professor._

_He hadn't even turned to see her in the room, lost in his work, his brilliant mind at work while his body whispered of sin, until Kira dipped under his arm and rose in front of him,_ _back to the blackboard,_ _her puckered nipples straining against the opened fabric of her white button-down, her hand coming up to tug on his tie gently, her head dropping back, chalk rubbing white through her hair, her clothes, his handwriting writing his secrets on her before he even touched her._

_Their eyes locked and his hand stopped writing._

_"Hello, Professor," she said seductively, trying to ignore the pounding of her nervous heart._

_"I think this has gone on long enough, don't you?"_

_Ren blinked at her and furrowed his brows, his breathing quickening as she pulled off his rimless glasses and tugged his tie harder, drawing him just over her own mouth as she heard him say_

 

 

"Rey?" Ben called from the mudroom. "Are you home?"

Rey straightened up abruptly, pulling her mind from the imaginary college campus she had just been immersed in like emerging from the ocean, darkening her phone screen as she called to her husband from the couch. "In here!"

"Hey," he said, loosening his tie and leaning over to kiss her lightly before dropping heavily beside her onto the couch. "How you doing? How's your day?"

"Good," she said with a smile, meaning it. "I'm good. How about you? Good day?"

"Yeah, fine," he said, leaning his head against the back of the couch and spreading out to drink in the relaxing moment.

Something was twitching for attention at the back of her mind.

Rey rearranged herself on the couch and chewed her thumb nail as she considered her daughters were at school and she ought to take advantage of the opportunity to speak to her husband. It wasn't often she got time to chat with him in person like this, mid-day, normally being relegated to having adult conversations with him after the girls went to sleep.

 

 _Go for it,_ she urged herself.

 

"Ben?" she began, looking at his face as he rested his eyes, his head against the couch cushion behind him.

"Mmm?" he murmured, his eyes still closed.

"Hey, um, babe. I'd like to make a request." she asked in a small voice.

"Okay," he said warily, leaving his head to rest on the cushion but, turning to face her. "What is it?"

Rey took a deep breath.

 

"I don't want to kiss anymore," she said quickly, hurriedly adding, "I mean, not like _'I don't want to kiss you anymore'_ but, like can we please put a moritorium on pecks? I hate pecking. I want a hard pass on kissing that isn't making full use of our attention. And your gorgeous lips. I miss your lips. Pecks feel...I dunno...obligatory? Perfunctory. I miss making out with you. I miss kissing you for _real_ and feeling kissed in return by you. I want to kiss you like we kiss when we're out of town on a getaway. But, like, _everyday_ I want to kiss you like that, not just when we're on a getaway."

 

Ben studied her eyes as she spoke and picked his head up slowly, lifting his tie and settling it over his chest again, a function of masculine habit.

"Okay?" she asked somewhat timidly, trying to read his response.  

"Yeah," he said, sounding mildy confused, trying to gather clues and more information as he waited for more clear context. "I mean...sure. _Yes,_ that's a good idea. I love it. What, uh...what is the impetus for this conversation all of a sudden?"

Rey shrugged, feeling exposed, suddenly nervous.

 

 _This is ridiculous,_ she chided herself. _This is your husband! Speak up! _she reminded herself.  

 

"I just...I just have been thinking about what I want out of our marriage more and I want _that._ I want to kiss you. I want you to kiss me. Like, _for real_ kiss me, like when we were dating and newlyweds. Like...French kiss me, leave me breathless, _let me get swept away in it_ kiss me. All the time. Is that...is that okay?" she asked. "Does that offend you?"

Ben slid a hand over her knee and grinned at her, leaning close and kissing her passionately.

"Why would my wife wanting to make out with me, offend me?" he asked.

 

It took her a minute, she was so tightly wound just getting the nerve to confront him with this, something they'd been doing as a couple for 11 years already, asking him to change up a script so engrained in their daily communication had been a daunting task, a hurculean effort.

She finally relaxed her shoulders as she felt him reach a hand behind her head and pull her into postion better so he could lick into her mouth at a better angle, his familiar taste doing what Rey had been craving - sending her tripping along a familiar high - and before she knew it, she was crawling on top of his lap, his dick already hard under her in his slacks and his hands coming to squeeze her ass as she ground down on him.

 

_Why didn't they kiss more?_

_Why had they ever stopped kissing this way?_

_Why had it taken her so long to figure out this was the start of what she was longing for? That kissing led to The Whole Enchilada and the lack of it in her daily life bummed her out?_

_Why had she waited weeks to say "uh, hey, life partner and mate who has vowed to belong only to me forever, I want you to fucking stick your tongue down my throat more often"_?

 

It was such a simple thing, such a no-brainer and it had taken her way too long to use her big girl words and say what she wanted. She wondered what would happen if she kept up the theme.

She reached to loosen his tie and felt Ben reaching under to unclasp her bra and slide his hands along her back under her shirt, both of them getting heated as the kissing lingered. His tongue was familiar with her mouth but, that's not how he was kissing her now, searching out her secrets and moaning gently into her mouth as she ran her hands over his shoulders inside his button-down shirt as she worked it off of him.

Her brain flipped over to the _Professor!Kylo_ and _co-ed!Kira_ fic she was reading before Ben came home, Ben's shirt similar to the one Kylo was wearing in the last scene she had read and she pulled back to catch her breath as Ben kissed her neck.

 

_What if she shared more?_

 

This was the real question she had been wrestling with for even longer now...would he reject her?

Correct her? Laugh at her? Wound her? What exactly was she, in fact so afraid of, anyhow?

 

She thought about Kira and what she risked going up against a venemous beast, into a cave, with a cupcake shop competitor, opposite her college professor and suddenly, Rey not only glimpsed the common theme in the character she loved, she decided in that moment not just to emulate Kira but, to be the courageous heroine of her own story.

Maybe this wasn't fan fiction, maybe Rey was 31 instead of 19, maybe she was a mother and not a college student or a dojo employee or a stripper or a resident doctor or a barista but, _damn it,_ she sure as hell knew her own thoughts now and she had a tongue in her head, after all, didn't she?

Same as Kira.

It was high time she use it.

She pulled her face back further from her husband, watching him adorably seek out her lips with his own while his eyes were still shut and she smiled.

 

 _This man loves me,_ she thought. _And I need to love myself enough to stop carrying this alone. He's fucking_ _vowed_ _to me. If I can't be myself, what am I? Who am I?_

 

"I'll be right back," she said and climbed off his lap.

Ben grinned and stood, quickly stripping, obviously presuming her to return quickly, wearing less clothing if his efforts were any indicator, struggling to remove his pants while hopping around gracelessly, falling halfway onto the couch.

Rey hurried to her bedroom closet and pulled open a drawer, removing a box of old college sketch books, her artwork's hiding place, the only sanctuary she could imagine being even mostly-hidden from her husband and ever-mischevious daughters.

She glanced at the ceiling sending a silent prayer to the clouds for strength and exited the closet, pulling the door tightly behind her and walking sedately to the living room couch where she'd left her husband.

He studied her with rapt attention as she walked towards him, her sketchbook clutched over her chest as she held it protectively, the sole confidant these last few months of her love of fiction, smut, art, sex...all the taboo things she wasn't supposed to think about as a nice woman, a good wife, a sweet mother.

As a "good girl".

 

Ben sat spread-eagle, naked as the day he was born with a filthy smirk on his face and a hugely hard cock, impressively interested in her approach, his amused face focusing with curiosity as she walked towards him.  

"That your sketch book?" he asked as she knelt between his legs and looked up at him.

Rey nodded. "I want to show you what I've been working on," she began.

She opened up the pages and held up a sketch, one after another of Kylo and Kira art she had done in recent months, inspired by the fiction she was reading. It would definifely have to be labeled _NSFW_ if it was posted online somewhere, not that she had the foggiest idea of doing that at any rate but, she actually found she was very proud of it.

 

It was good.

Maybe not ground-breaking, museum-worthy good but, _good._

Good enough to be proud of and if she was honest, she'd known she had a gift for illustration for as long as she could remember - she was always a gifted artist, if not magnificent certainly excellent and she was happy with how her drawings were coming out.

Ben glanced between the pages she held up and her face where she remained seated between his bare knees on the floor and he pulled a throw pillow over his lap as he became more engrossed.

 

"You've done so many," he said in wonder, "I mean...wow, is all I can say. I had no idea!"

"Do you...do you like them?" she asked.

"I do! They're fantastic! Dirty as hell, I mean...what the fuck, this is an actual cock isn't it? You drew a frontal shot of a naked, hard cock in this one? And they're fucking? So dirty, my bad, bad girl," he said with a smirk, still perusing her pieces.

Rey bit her lip, fighting off embarrasment.

"So...you like them?" she confirmed.

"Yeah!" he said with raised eyebrows. "I can pick this pillow up off my lap and _show_ you how much I like them," he said. "They're fucking _hot,_ babe."

 

Rey grinned and moved towards the pillow on his lap and removed the sketch book from his hands, tossing it on the floor beside her. She kissed him while she pulled her top off completely and pulled off her yoga pants, her bra and panties next, leaving a pile of clothes beside her and hovering over her husband's groin while they kissed.

"You're amazing," he said against her lips and then, "wait," pulling away from kissing her and looked at his wife, settled over his lap while she sat high on her knees, kissing him. "Where did you come up with all those ideas? All that inspiration?" Ben asked.

 

Rey felt her eyes dart between his and study his look before she dove in.

_This was it._

 

"I've been reading some fanfiction," she announced.

 

 _More like hacking through it like a machete through a jungle,_ she thought. _But, sure. Let’s just go with "reading" it for now._

 

Ben waited so, she continued.

"I have been reading some Kylo Ren and Kira Jakku fanfiction. Online. Since we saw their last movie," she said. "I read an article one day about it - I never knew it existed before that - and lo and behold, there's this whole community out there of creative types making all this free, really good content. It's really amazing, Ben, seriously, it is. And I really started to feel connected to the characters, you know? Invested? And...before I knew it, I was inspired. And I started creating, too. Drawing."

Ben studied her face and the sketch book on the floor and Rey felt her heart beat hard.

 

"Is that all it's inspired?" he asked. "How about all the sex we've been having? Is the reading what has had you all hot and bothered?"

Rey nodded a little and hurried to add, "it's definitely been inspiring but, I don't think that's a bad thing, Ben. I don't."

Ben looked hurt. "You don't think your wanting to fuck a fake character is a bad thing?"

Rey huffed slightly and looked at the ceiling, looking for answers but, found only space to continue, so she pushed onward.

"It's not me wanting to have sex with anyone else," she explained. "It's more like...more like I want us to be more like them, like those characters in some way. Both of us, you know? I want us to have sex more. I want us to talk about what feels good and sounds good and hell, even about wanting to kiss more during our normal day-to-day lives. I want romance," she said. "But, Ben. Look at me. _Ben_ ," she said, looking intently at him, "I want that with you. All of that, I want it with _you._ I _love_ you. I want _you_."

Ben smiled and gave one more glance at the book on the floor, pulling her closer.

 

"I _have_ always been a huge franchise fan," he said. "I'll bet my brothers would be jealous knowing my wife is into the fandom, too and draws amazing, hot shit about it," he said, his smirk emerging.

Rey leaned up to kiss his lips.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I thought you'd laugh at me," she confessed. "Make me feel like an idiot. Make fun of me. Find a way to fight with me about it...I don't know, it seems silly now."

"I just want us to go places together," he said. "If you want to head down a path, I want an invite to come with you. Especially if it's hot as hell like this one."

"Okay," she said with a nod and smile, "deal."

"I'm a baby, I know," her husband admitted, sounding unapologetically self-aware. "I just never want you to get tired of me. Of being with me."

"You're not a baby," Rey told him affectionately, running a hand thorugh his hair, "we take care of each other. And this isn't me leaving you. This is me being my best self, and therefore being even better at wifeing you."

"Thanks for showing me," he said, smiling. "You're so fucking talented, Rey."

 

Rey beamed.

 

"Now, can you show me that one drawing from behind again? I think I can do better than that dude you drew and I like a challenge," her husband said, crawling beside her on the ground.

Rey smiled as her husband moved to draw her close.

This was something else completely.

 

**************


	5. Shared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THANK You ALL for sharing this journey with me. It has been a privilege to write this for you all!  
> Special thanks to my sweet friend raven_maiden who was the first person I knew who admitted to reading smut fic under the blankets in bed like a fort.  
> I see you, sister.  
> "She who is brave, is free." 
> 
> xoxo  
> Berry

 

 

 

_Even the wind was dirty._

 

_The late July breeze kicked up the air, sending the dry creek bed sand floating past Kira’s face as she stood motionless._

 

_Her petticoat concealed the sweat trickling between her slim, overheated thighs, the relentless summer heat_

_mercilessly staining the delicate white material brown,_

_her blood red bodice and dress overlaid with a thin veil of silt that would soon deepen the color permanently to a maroon wine._

 

_Kira shook the unruly brown strands of hair from her eyes, her sweat-soaked crown slipping the hair from her bun free while_

_reminding her as she had toiled in the decrepit barn,_

_her finery and education were no match for the labor of a frontier reality._

 

_She propped the shotgun higher on her shoulder and widened her stance as the rider approached,_

_steeling her gaze,_

_narrowing her eyes even as her laced, well-heels boots slid further apart on the weed-ridden, parched soil beneath._

 

_“Who are you?” she demanded with a menacing glare,_

_intentionality laced into her tone and her movements as she pitched the gun on her shoulder higher yet,_

_nearly at her temple_

_as she aimed for the unreasonably tall rider atop the horse she faced._

 

 _The black Stetson hat tipped politely_ _as the matching dark eyes of its owner lowered momentarily,_

_the sun glinting off the star-shaped badge on his wide chest,_

_the fringe on his worn vest quivering in unison with Kira’s nerves._

 

_She trembled secretly, realizing in terror_

_no one would hear her muffled cries in this remote location,_

_should she scream._

 

_No one would see her red dress unceremoniously ruined, her hair matted with earth, her gun flung discarded and useless beside her,_

_should the imposing figure before her decide to call her bluff and find_

_she didn’t know how to shoot._

 

_Maybe, she thought, for the thousandth time, this was a very, very poor idea._

_Not just coming west to be married to a stranger but, squatting on his land once she arrived and found he was already dead._

 

_Maybe, she worried, she was about to be as exposed as her small breasts heaving_

_fearfully_   _behind tufted, hand-sewn lace_

_beneath her long-boned corset._

 

_Maybe, this situation was about to become unmanageable._

 

_Kira sniffed loudly and narrowed her eyes as she raised her chin,_

_her insistence on managing the fear in order to survive_

_\- her primary instinct -_

_causing her to bluff further, shaking beneath her long-sleeved, velvet dress though she was,_

_her cheeks aflame with the sunburn earned over the last two weeks beneath the unrelenting Illinois sun,_

_her nerves making her shake where she stood holding the heavy shotgun aloft towards a tall and proud stranger_

_on her land._

 

_Not her land, she remembered with a pinch, but, no one else’s land, either._

_No one who was alive to claim it, anyhow._

 

_“I’m the law,” came the man’s voice,_

_a powerful rumble that boomeranged Kira’s memories to the locomotive that had brought her here._

 

_“And that gun…it belongs to me.”_

  
  


“Oh my God,” Rey whined. “What happens next? What happens _next_?”

 

Ben grinned proudly.

 

“That’s all I have so far,” he smiled.

 

“What?!” Rey shouted, outraged as she climbed into his lap to straddle her husband, shaking him by the shoulders while he laughed. “You stopped _there_? How could you stop _there_?”

 

Ben chuckled and wrapped his arms around his wife, thoroughly enjoying her outrage.

 

“I have to know what _happens_! I need _more!_  Get up and go write more!” she insisted, tugging his shirt collar and bounced on his lap in faux annoyance.

 

“See, this is the benefit of sleeping with the author,” her husband teased as he leaned close to nip her lower lip with his own and slide his huge hands under her t-shirt above her ass in his lap. “I can just _tell_ you what’s in store. Or better yet, I can show you.”

 “Mr. secret_surrender, why, whatever do you mean?” Rey teased with a thick southern drawl, acting the innocent while her husband maneuvered her, growling into her ear at her implied naivety.

 

“What don’t I _show_ you what I mean, Mrs. secret_surrender?” he countered, kissing her as he removed her clothing piece by piece, their quiet, shared laughter giving way to huffs of increasing passion as they exposed more skin to one another’s eyes and lips.

 

Rey tipped her head back as Ben’s mouth moved to assault her neck, moving towards her hardening nipples and wet cunt, already preparing for whatever goodness he was about to unleash on her body. She relished the freedom of arousal from the excitement of a story of lovers like themselves and the joy of being fully heard, known, loved and safe to act and be accepted as fully as she now knew herself to be.

 

She had enjoyed the secretive swan dive into fan fiction, drowning happily in the solitude of Kira and Kylo’s love story for a while, first terrified of being found out and then carefully constructing a method by which she could wall herself into the world there, gas lighting her husband, love him though she did, as a necessary means of self-protection until finally, she had realized loneliness…even situated inside a fairytale world of fiction was not what she craved.

 

He was.

 

The man himself.

 

 _Her_ man.

 

Ben.

 

It had been more difficult than she could have predicted to win the war in her own mind with exposure, with the potential for rejection, with shame but, in the end she had read enough Kira and Kylo fic to be able to emulate courage - really, just compassion for herself and others and she had finally told her man all about her desperate love of fan fic.

 

She had fallen on her sword.

 

Or her  _lightsaber_ , in this case.

 

And Ben’s response, while initially one of pure shock and incredulity soon morphed into wonder and then curiosity and finally challenge.

 

“I can do this,” he had said as he’d sat propped beside Rey in bed one night, his chin tucked against his chest as he sat reading in bed next to her, his own bookmarked works leading him into territory familiar to Rey.

 

Rey had shot him a querying look as she considered him from where she sat next to him, also reading on her own phone.

 

“You can do what?” she asked.

 

“I can write this stuff,” he said, removing his glasses and setting them beside his phone on the bedside table beside himself. “I’ve got enough to go on now. I can do this, too, I think. And I think I even have a premise I haven’t seen written before.”

 

Rey smirked and placed her own phone beside her bed, switching off the light beside herself and slunk down in the covers, facing Ben. “Oh yeah? You do, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” he said. “I can write it and maybe you can make art for it,” he said, “I’m thinking a Western. Think _‘Little House on the Prairie’_ meets ‘spaghetti western’. Whaddya think?”

 

Rey bit her lip. “Will it be smutty?”

 

Ben tugged her closer to himself, his half-hard cock meeting the tender skin of her thigh as she straddled his leg. “It’ll be fucking filthy,” he assured her.

 

“How filthy?” she asked, nearly unable to make coherent conversation at his proximity, his familiar scent and nearness wrapping itself around her, causing her to want to bury her nose in his chest, spread her legs wide and welcome him inside herself.

 

“I’ll _show_ you how filthy,” he had offered, slipping his hand over her breast and twisting a nipple gently, his black eyes limitless in their invitation to himself.

 

Rey smiled to herself remembering how amused and excited she was to find her husband convinced enough of his own writing prowess that he had made his own screen name and opened his own account on the fan fic posting site, starting work on  _Tie a Ribbon, Tie a Rope_ soon after that conversation and the response, positive though it was from other people paled in comparison to her own fervent enthusiasm for his work.

 

She groaned as she slid along his hard cock along her slick center, bracketing his dick inside the lips between her legs before rising slightly and nudging his fat head into her hole with her fingers and gasping lightly as she sunk down onto him, thick and wide and hot as a poker, branding her as his over and over with each thrust into her wet walls.

 

Ben leaned down and sucked her tits one after another into his mouth with a lusty moan as she rode him hard, threading her hands into his hair, enjoying his huge hands running the length of her legs beside his hips, still clothed in his jeans.

 

“Tell me the next thing that’s gonna happen in the story,” she panted, eyes closed as she bounced on him, squeezing him tightly with her pussy as she lifted her hips and dropped down again.

 

“First they’ll be at odds,” he said, bringing his mouth away from her nipple slightly, still looking intently at where his mouth had just been, “and they’ll fight over the gun and the land and everything else, before they get to know each other,” he explained between thrusts.

 

“Then what?” she gasped as she slammed her hips down onto his again, her thighs quaking with the effort of riding him, her breathlessness audible in her question.

 

“Then,” Ben said, picking her up to stand and pointing to the floor where Rey obediently and wordlessly laid down, spreading her legs and opening her arms to invite him to her body, “they’ll fight a common enemy and it bonds them,” he said while kneeling and inserting his hard cock inside her again, leaning down to plank his body above her and continue fucking into her.

 

Rey scraped at his shoulders as he pummeled his groin into hers, the messy sounds their bodies made as they met filling the room with the cacophony of utterly uncontrolled lovemaking, her husband’s body manhandling her in her very favorite way.

 

“There’ll be a bath scene in an outdoor tub,” he said between thrusts, his mouth centimeters from Rey’s watching one another’s lips as he spoke, “in broad daylight. Together,” he managed, “and in front of a fire at night too, and wherever else I want them to fuck,” he threatened.

 

“In the barn?” Rey asked, picturing her own hair spiked with dry hay, her white petticoat turned brown with sweat and cum and dirt, marked by a wild and unforgiving landscape and passionate coupling with a black-haired, mysterious cowboy sheriff who looked exactly like her husband in her mind’s eye.

 

“In the barn, yeah,” Ben affirmed as he dipped his head to lick her lip, “and anywhere else you want it, baby,” he promised. “Your wish is my command.”

 

“Are you just saying that because you’re fucking me so good, like a sex god right now?” she slowly asked, her words punctuated by grunts and moans.

 

“Fuck yes,” he confirmed.

 

Rey smiled and leaned up and kissed her husband as she felt his hand slide over her clit between them, his palm circling her roughly while he fucked her cunt until she came, a crazy high of an orgasm that slingshot her to the stars and stole her breath, tearing away her inhibitions along with her awareness of time and space in one fell swoop, dropping her lightly back into reality again as she opened her eyes and saw her husband smiling down at her as he paused.

 

“God, I love you,” he said, stilling his movements and leaning to kiss her deeply, “I love you, I love you.”

 

“I love you forever, Ben Solo,” she told him as she slipped her fingers into his hair and tugged at his scalp, lifting her hips to spur him on towards movement, wanting to feel him come as hard as she just had, wanting to feel him lose control inside her and take anything he wanted, picturing it all and wanting it more than anything.

 

“Now finish what you started.”

 

She could almost draw this scene in her head as if she were seeing it from above as they lived it.

 

And that’s exactly what she would do.

 

*************

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll never be able to draw like Rey but yes, I am totally writing Ben's fic "Tie a Ribbon, Tie a Rope."


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